Basically, I didn't want to be mean anymore,'' No. 15's sloping green is telling any press corps member within earshot.

``Sure, our hole has gotten a bad rep the last couple of days. That's all the media's fault. The golfers and us, we've made up. We've put it behind us.

``I wanted a day where these golfers would all be happy after visiting. Let them be mad at No. 16 for a change.''

(FYI: We've already begun the press conference for Augusta National's tumultuous hole No. 15. Normally, we start through the round's birdies and bogeys, but since there were numerous 4s and only four 6s, we've gone right to the questions.)

Press: Thursday was such a ferocious day, as you were the course's third-toughest hole, but Saturday, you were cake. What gives?

Hole: ``We're all a bunch of hams,'' said Ted, one of No. 15's turtles. ``I didn't like swimming around the blue-dye pond with all the carp Friday. I stayed in my shell it was so cold. So Saturday I parked myself on the pond's ledge to work on my tan. I wanted to see that Kuchar kid smile. I wanted to see Tiger's yips. I wanted to laugh at Phil's chipping again. Two out of three ain't bad.''

Press: Well, you did get your wish. Saturday proved to be a lovely day, and all the ladies in straw hats and gents in golf shoes seemed to enjoy it. Did you have a favorite shot?

Hole: ``That's easy,'' the yellow flagstick whispered. ``Darren Clarke stood on the right fringe -- the right fringe got a lot of action today -- about, oh, 55 feet away, and he tickled the green with his putt. It kept rolling and the crowd started to crescendo until the ball disappeared. Gary Player started dancing. Darren, that chummy lad, he started dancing. We were all just dancin' away.

``We all enjoyed Jesper Parnevik's second shot as well,'' the flagstick continued. ``That sappy Swede almost Sarazened us, you know. But when he missed his eagle putt, all of about 2 feet, I couldn't help but think of Scott Hoch.''

Press: Now that's a mean thing to say. With that in mind, was there any thought to remaining vicious? I mean, you surrendered two eagles and 20 birdies, two days after hanging five golfers with scores of 8 or higher.

Hole: ``Oh, I wanted to suck back some more balls,'' the blue-dyed pond said. ``We're playing at Reynolds Plantation next week, my stash is a little low, and Wal-Mart was all out of Titleists. But we had a vote this morning, and I lost 5-2. Only the carp would back me up.''

(FYI: We wanted to ask the carp their thoughts, but they just kept swimming around in circles. I thought I heard one whistlin' scrod say, ``Everything was lovely.'' At the time he was nibbling on Craig Stadler's Top-Flite, one of two balls in 15's pond Saturday.)

Press: Are you happy with the way things turned out, considering that most of the leaders used you as their personal birdie boost?

Hole: ``Look at the scoreboard,'' Sarazen's Bridge said. ``You've got 18 guys within six shots of the lead. I liked being the day's revival hole. Justin birdied here; Davis birdied here; Monty, Zinger, Freddy, all birdies. Tiger could've eagled us but didn't read the break. If you didn't get red here Saturday, you were green with envy.

``Even Mr. Nicklaus, the ol' Bear that he is, he's even lurking. I'd like to take credit for his magnificent birdie here because he walked across me, I sent him a putting tip telepathically. He must have listened.''

Press: I think you made your neighbor, No. 13, jealous with the roar.

Hole: ``They're always jealous of us,'' Todd the turtle said. ``Those azaleas are for wimps. We're deciding who wins and loses this tournament. You better score well with us today, or you can forget about hearing Sam Snead's jokes at the Champions Dinner.''

Press: That's a little bold. How soon should we start approaching the green?

Hole: ``Well, our show started early Saturday, and I imagine the same will be true today,'' the green bleachers said.

(FYI: The first golfer through Saturday, Paul Stankowski's wood landed on the edge, bounced up to 6 feet. His putt had just enough steam to fall in for eagle.)

Hole: ``I think we were all tired of moanin','' the bleachers said. ``I wanted to hear the people yell.''

Press: What will they hear today?

Hole: ``What we want them to,'' No. 15's agent said.